Enfield-Rifles.com Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > Off Topic > OT Forum
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - True story
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login


True story

 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <12
Author
Message
hoadie View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: March 16 2006
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 6298
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hoadie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 29 2016 at 3:11pm
..Two Scotsmen walk out of a bar..Hey, it COULD happen!
Loose wimmen tightened here
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
A square 10 View Drop Down
Special Member
Special Member
Avatar
Donating Member

Joined: December 12 2006
Location: MN , USA
Status: Offline
Points: 7308
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote A square 10 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 29 2016 at 9:07pm
ive done it - on a rare occasion , just sayin , 
Back to Top
White Rhino View Drop Down
Special Member
Special Member
Avatar
Donating Member

Joined: May 05 2006
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 4942
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote White Rhino Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 29 2016 at 9:10pm
Hey!! I walked out a few bars !!!  Oh wait ,..... Im part Irish........ and all them others !!!!  LOL!!!  could be a little Scots in there some how !!!
"White Rhino"

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer." --W. C. Fields
Back to Top
paddyofurniture View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: December 26 2011
Location: NC
Status: Offline
Points: 3042
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote paddyofurniture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 30 2016 at 8:57am
Originally posted by Shamu Shamu wrote:

A man is standing in a bar when the bartender notices
there’s a n aquarium tank next to him!

<p ="Msonormal">Fascinated he peeks in & a large octopus reaches up &
grabs him.



<p ="Msonormal">“Don’t worry about Ozzie, he’s just being affectionate”!



<p ="Msonormal">After a few minutes the octopus releases the bartender.



<p ="Msonormal">“What the heck do you mean, bringing an octopus into a bar!
Are you nutz”?



<p ="Msonormal">“Nah, mate I make my living with him in bars” the customer
replies.



<p ="Msonormal">Fascinated the bartender asks how you can possibly make a
living in a bar with an octopus.



<p ="Msonormal">“I bet in him & win usually”



<p ="Msonormal">The bartender, now fascinated asks how you use an octopus to
gamble in bars.



<p ="Msonormal">The customer explains:



<p ="Msonormal">“I bet people he can play any musical instrument they can
produce”!



<p ="Msonormal">He replies.



<p ="Msonormal">They settle on a $5.oo bet & wheel the tank over to the
piano. The tentacles come flying out of the water & play the piano
beautifully.



<p ="Msonormal">“Double or quits”?



<p ="Msonormal">They agree so for $10.oo they get a trombone down from the
wall decorations & fling it in the tank.



<p ="Msonormal">The octopus grabs the slide with a couple of tentacles,
holds it with a couple more, fills up his water jet with air & blows a
Sousa march!



<p ="Msonormal">The bartender, determined to not lose $10.00 goes for double
or quits again.



<p ="Msonormal">Being sneaky he throws a set of bagpipes in the tank.



<p ="Msonormal">The water starts boiling & the tentacles thrashing then
he squirts ink & keeps on wrestling in the murk.



<p ="Msonormal">The bartender reaches for the money, but the customer grabs
his hand.



<p ="Msonormal">A heated argument starts over the bet, the bartender is
yelling that the octopus can’t play bagpipes so he lost the bet.



<p ="Msonormal">“Give ‘im a minute mate, once works out he can’t mate with
it he’ll play it, trust me”!





I am going to steal this one!

Thanks!
Always looking for military manuals, Dodge M37 items,books on Berlin Germany, old atlases ( before 1946) , military maps of Scotland. English and Canadian gun parts.
Back to Top
Shamu View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Logo Designer / Donating Member

Joined: April 25 2007
Location: MD, USA.
Status: Offline
Points: 7581
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shamu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 30 2016 at 9:32am
Feel free,  no copyright.
Clown
PitBull, spawn of Rottie!
Back to Top
paddyofurniture View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: December 26 2011
Location: NC
Status: Offline
Points: 3042
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote paddyofurniture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 30 2016 at 2:36pm
Always looking for military manuals, Dodge M37 items,books on Berlin Germany, old atlases ( before 1946) , military maps of Scotland. English and Canadian gun parts.
Back to Top
paddyofurniture View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: December 26 2011
Location: NC
Status: Offline
Points: 3042
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote paddyofurniture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 07 2017 at 9:04am
One-liners by Henny Youngman.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

I just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Always looking for military manuals, Dodge M37 items,books on Berlin Germany, old atlases ( before 1946) , military maps of Scotland. English and Canadian gun parts.
Back to Top
Shamu View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Logo Designer / Donating Member

Joined: April 25 2007
Location: MD, USA.
Status: Offline
Points: 7581
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shamu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 07 2017 at 9:58am
PitBull, spawn of Rottie!
Back to Top
A square 10 View Drop Down
Special Member
Special Member
Avatar
Donating Member

Joined: December 12 2006
Location: MN , USA
Status: Offline
Points: 7308
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote A square 10 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 07 2017 at 8:52pm
this scotsman is smiling , im so glad we can all make fun of ourselves and still chuckle a bit a few days later - being "so offended " that we might need to strap on a suicide vest seems really foreign and almost inhuman - if it were not for the @##holes doing it all over the globe - what is to be done ? 

i actually have walked out of a number of bars , cant recall the last time i had to be carried .....
Back to Top
paddyofurniture View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: December 26 2011
Location: NC
Status: Offline
Points: 3042
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote paddyofurniture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 08 2017 at 8:45am
I like Scotch so much I married one.

I tell my children they are Scottish and a Canada Dry.

The perfect mix.

Always looking for military manuals, Dodge M37 items,books on Berlin Germany, old atlases ( before 1946) , military maps of Scotland. English and Canadian gun parts.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <12
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 11.05
Copyright ©2001-2016 Web Wiz Ltd.