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Rules of manhood

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    Posted: March 21 2006 at 6:16pm
I "half inched"(stole) this from another forum but I don't think the auther will mind


Subject: Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel .. and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever! Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spiesuntil they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink
as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hangup if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was
occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.

26: Unless it is a Jeep, or a vintage Mopar, Thou shall not buy a car
in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics..... Ever.

28. You must always drive around lost for a minimum of 30 minutes
before you are allowed to stop and ask for directions.

29. Having a passenger roll down the window to ask any stranger for
directions, before the 30 minutes are up, is strictly prohibited.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 21 2006 at 8:01pm
Dave,
That's great. Can I add one, if you don't mind.

There's no such thing as a two man tent.

Thanks,
Joe

Edited by Joe T88 - March 21 2006 at 8:01pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 21 2006 at 8:32pm
Originally posted by Joe T88 Joe T88 wrote:

Dave,
That's great. Can I add one, if you don't mind.

There's no such thing as a two man tent.

Thanks,
Joe


 Amen to that Joe !!!!! I'm personaly worried about #10 the Sheets over the ladies head is called a Dutch Oven over here & is a Right of Passage in to ManHood !!

    Dave
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cookie Monster Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 21 2006 at 11:09pm
Dave how many of these rules have you obeyed?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 22 2006 at 9:21am
JKMate the only ones I've broken were #4(hey it was family so I'd thought my little brother could do with a night in the cells) #5 Rpeatedly until her brother found out
#8 (Hey I'm not getting any younger you know!) #12( OK so it was a dirty fight)#24(it was living proof there is enough Beer in the world to make a ugly woman look beautifull)

 Dave totaly unrepentant
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote allan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 25 2006 at 6:19am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hoadie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 25 2006 at 7:53am
Gee dave, so what your sayin is: she was a 2 at 10, but a 10 at @ 2!! Right on. Bin there too. But you aint got braggin rights till you wake up with a COYOTE!!!(You know...you wake before her, & she's got her head on your outstretched arm.She's SO ugly - you'd rather chew off your arm & make your getaway, rather than move it & chance waking her!!)lol
hoadie
Loose wimmen tightened here
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 25 2006 at 9:56am
To set the record straight  I have never been to bed with a ugly woman !.......Its just I've woken up next to a few  (including one that asked if I wanted it on or off? when I asked what ? she replied my artificial Leg ? That one got round the place that fast I thought it would make the front page of the local paper)

        Dave
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dukeoflawnchair Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 26 2006 at 4:51pm
Gotta say though Dave...the missus of yours must be one hell of a woman...being able to brave the Dutch Oven and the range of flying power tools...
Defend your right to arm bears!

Do you know what the chain of command is? It's a chain that I beat you with if you don't do what I say...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 26 2006 at 5:18pm
Duke in the case of the Dutch oven ! My Cook is a veteran of em & each time she violates rule #12 repeatedly !!!!!! Power tools ,tyre irons ,hand tools ,reloading equipment ,Dead animals (on occassion ) She just sits quietly & waits for the storm to pass & then Hell really breaks loose !!!!!!!!!If that fails she goes to Plan B .....Honey the kids want to go Spotlighting !You can go with them !!! & Honey ? take the dog as well !!!! This is like getting told that you have to sit on the back of a motor cycle with Evil Kanevil who has done acid & is having a bad Trip

    Dave
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